My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
