When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
