youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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