I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
