He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
