Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
