i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
