I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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