So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
