he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my shit smells like andre
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
