I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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