So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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