Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
