I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
