I must be too annoying 4 u.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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