pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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