Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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