With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
