I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
