i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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