WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
