If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
