i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
