she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Randomize
