Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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