I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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