whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
did i just pee glitter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
