I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
