sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
