I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
