You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
