I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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