Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize