1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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