you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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