he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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