I think I won the penis lottery.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
