I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
