I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Pappa wants mamma naked
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
