please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
