I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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