What a fucking waste of an outfit
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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