Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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