new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
