He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think my moral compass just broke
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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