I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
