I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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