After last night, I could never be a politician.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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