i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I want to fling myself into the sun
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
