Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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