so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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