can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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