the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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