there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
