Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
