you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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