i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
