Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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