Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
