I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
