i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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