dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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