So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
