What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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