She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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