A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
