What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The Olympian is in my bed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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