I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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