Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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